I Used to be Popular.

I used to be popular.

I used to drive a cool sports car.

I used to go to school and learn cool things.

I used to be in my Masters program.

I used to go out.

I used to play and go out a LOT lets be honest here.

I used to date a lot.

I used to my hair.

I used to get my hair done.

I used to do my make up all fancy.

I used wear cool clothes.

I used to always wear heels.

I used to have fancy outfits with accessories.

I used to dye my hair dark and blonde depending on my moods.

I used have cool jackets.

I used to go to concerts.

I used to have parties.  Okay a lot of parties.

I used to be a First Grade Teacher.

I used to love teaching!!

I used to be fun.

I used to get along with everyone.

I used to give everyone a chance.

I used to shop.

I used to drink Starbucks.

I used to go to Flagstaff or San Diego or Vail or Steamboat in a minute notice.

And then....

My Mom passed away out of the cold blue air.

Then I was sad.

Then my world stopped.

Then it was May 7, 2007 and there was no reason for May 8 to come...

Then I cried a lot.

Then I didn't understand God anymore.

Then I grew closer to my Dad.

Then I didn't understand why God would do such a horrible thing.

Then I already didn't have a Gramma or Grandpa from my Mom.

Then I was angry.

Then I grew closer to my family and cousins.

Then a year later....

I missed a few periods.

I had the shock of my life.....

I was pregnant.

I was pregnant with twins.

My best friend Charisse thought it was special.

She talked me into being a Mom.

There I said it.

Charisse changed my views that I could do this.

My TRUE friends grew closer as my other friends drifted away.

I was the girl pregnant with twins.

Oh my was I asked questions daily.

Oh my did strangers want to know my business.

They still do.

My Mom was a twin with twin siblings and twin parents...

She always said growing up people treated you like a disease.

No one was a twin.

However in her family you were awkward if you were a singleton.

Then I was in the best mood again.

I was happy again.

I was smiling.

I had two healthy babies in me.

This was God's plan.

Not mine, but I was happy.

I was blessed.

I had two girls.

I was also blessed with a father that was very much in love with his twins.

And Then...

I gave birth three months early.

I lived in a NICU for 15+ weeks.

I cried more than I ever thought a human could cry.

Life was a roller coaster.

I watched children die in the NICU next to me.

I vividly remember a baby being worked on a arms length away with blood splattering out.

Sorry but think if you had to be there?

That baby didn't make it.

I saw things in there that no one should see.

My children were 2 pounds a pop.

We made it.

We made it out - three LONG months later.

We got to leave.

We were home in Jan with Kirra and Feb with Baili.

Now what?

We had co-pays times 2.

I worked 50 hours a week.

Actually went back to work before Baili came home and I had 12 weeks off. Not paid.

We had a child with multiple problems.

I was the working Mom with bills beyond belief.

Where was my Mom?

I needed my Mom.

Kirra made it out of the preemie deals.

We had a...

Pediatrician

Neurologist

Food Therapist

GI

Surgeons

Neonatologists

PT

OT

SP

DSI

Nurses

Endocrinologists

Just to name a few....seriously there are more.

Now...

I don't do my hair.

I don't go to parties.

I am a single Mom of twins, who'd of thought???

I do my face in five minutes flat.

I don't wear make up.

I wear shoes that were bought before my twins.

I work a lot.

I have no clue what I am wearing.

Just happy when it matches.

I am no longer a size 2.

God i wish.....

Then I come home and educate my girls.

I never buy clothes for me.

I play with my girls.

I feed my girls.

I bathe my girls.

The BEST part of my day is when I come home to my angels.

I don't go out.

I don't sleep much.

I do go to doctor appts for Baili weekly.

I have OT, PT, SP, FT, DSI, and so on weekly with Baili.

I used not even know that stuff existed.

I have educated myself on more stuff than most will ever know.

I clean throw up at least once a day.

I do g tubes.

Medicines.

I am a short ordered cook to my angels.

I claim to still be popular with my twins.

I don't....care what people think.

I don't bother with work gossip.

If you don't like me well I am sorry I am too busy to think about it.

I go to work to work.

That is about it.

I am not popular anymore.

I live for my family.

I live for my girls.

My friends that are true still are my friends.

I know I still have it.

I just am so TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!

I Love my family.

I just know some people at my daily place dislike me.

They don't read my blog.

All I am saying is I don't care.

No one knows what I go through daily.

I have a lot of stress.

I hate gossip.

I have no energy, time, or power to be involved.

I do believe in karma.

It's a tough one too.

I deal with doctors daily.

Surgeries.

Therapists.

Kinda makes me wonder what is important in life.

I am 31 and I don't care if you want to talk crap about the girl in front of you because she is fat.

Are you kidding me???

I wish the best with everyone in life.

Some really need to be real.

I do get a lot of......

Mama Peaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mama bed.

Mama Chicka Chicka Boom Boom on TV.

Mama Juice.

Mama Pedia (meaning pedisure).

Mama Milk.

Mama cheese.

Mama outside.

Mama hungry.

Mama hold me.

Mama help.

Mama color.

Mama hugs.

Mama kisses.

Mama I want Papa.

Mama I want Nana.

Mama I want Janie.

Mama READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama read books.

Mama Kirra do it.

Mama Sissy Bug do it.

Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama,Mama,Mama,Mama,Mama,Mama,Mama,Mama,Mama,

You get the idea.....

I know I am still popular.

Just in a different way.

I have five weddings to attend in the next two months.

I still have friends. LOL.

Just ones I TRUST more.

My life is WAY different. 

I get to come home to a beautiful family.

And I love it.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

No matter who you are when you see my angels and their little faces they can make any negative person smile.

Every person that sees them looks up and says you are so lucky.

I am lucky.

I love you Kirra and Baili!!

Love,

Your Mama :)

RIP~ Wade, Seth, and Andy's family.  I had three friends (good people) die this month and I am 31 people.  Not 90.  One from cancer, one from an OD, and one from a car accident a couple days ago.  This has been a hard month.  

Save a seat for me, like I have said in prayer before it may be awhile but we will meet again.

Oh by the way I got a new USED car and traded my Jeep in.  I am stoked!! 

Love,

Katie