SLEEPING ANGELS

Some days I want to collapse with stress and just being COMPLETELY exhausted.  Lately lots of stress has been on my plate where I am literally asking God why me?  You already took my Mom at 27 and my twin brohters at 6.  I have been to more funerals than weddings (3 being my immediate family).  I am stressed to the max with my sick baby.  Please God give me and Baili a break!  Please make Baili gain an ounce.  Please let her be healthy for one week.  I am not asking a lot.  Just some normal stuff.  Let me afford to care for my kids.  Let me be able to afford Baili's doctor bills.  Come on just give us a break.  Then I think about the NICU and being told a huge chance my kids wouldn't make it.  Then I remembered and said nevermind God thank you for letting me be a Mommy.  Thank you for choosing ME to be Baili's biggest fan.

Then this morning I (tip toed) and I am talking as quiet as I could be in their room to look at my angels.  Praying Baili wouldn't hear me.  (She is GREAT at waking up to a pin drop)!  I stood there at 4:30 am looking at my twins and I thought GOD DAM I am blessed.  I have two beautiful daughters that make my WORLD.  I am nothing without them and EVERYTHING with them and to them. I even snapped a photo off my phone with a flash...yes, I am ballzy.  Thank God they didn't awake and I was able to shower and get myself ready before I woke them up at 6am for their routines.  I sat downstairs and drank my coffee outside as I was enjoying our weather at 90 degrees at 5:30 am and tried to center myself.  Al the stress I am going through right now will mean nothing when my kids start Kindergarten or go to their first dance or prom.  I sat back and enjoyed five minutes of me time and thanked God for choosing me to be thier Mommy.  I am SO lucky.  I am SO BLESSED.  I will keeping praying Baili has gone so far.  Kirra is just a Dam MIRACLE.  Both miracles and smart but Kirra has something that is amazing - she got my Mom's intelligence.  Everything is easy to her.  Maybe she'll be a doctor one day and make all of us so proud.  Take that for "statistics" NICU docs.  We are beating the stats being 29 weekers.  Yes we definitely have our worries but we are okay and we are very happy.  :-)

Baili Julia Ideker

 

Kirra Ruthi Ideker

Love,

The Mommy